Nice 'n' Spicy Nik Naks, these ain't

I'm gonna git yo, sucka

I've tried out some of the products from The Chilli Pepper Company (based in Cark) and I can assure you they're perfectly capable of putting a rod right through you. They've got a special liking for the Bhut Jolokia pepper, which is a real rocket in your pocket.

And whilst I'm more of an enthusiastic amateur, rather than a committed professional, when it comes to Scoville related antics, I'm more than a little keen to take Satan's Ashes for a ride.

Then again, isn't all this (spicy) hot food business all just cock waggling of the most primeval sort; or am I'm wrong again - do women get competitive about phals?

Anyway, if you're planning on travelling up to Levens Hall for the inaugural English Chilli Festival, give me a shout - we'll go "down down down" (copyright Johnny Cash) together.